cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
