I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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