I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
