I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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