Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
