My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
