i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
