I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
