im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
