I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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