Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
