I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
