Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
