Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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