I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
