My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
