there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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