and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
