he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
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