Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
