I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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