just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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