either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
