Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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