You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Say something about gay babies.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
