I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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