Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
