yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
