The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
please don't ironically join a cult
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