oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
