I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
