Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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