I'm so fucking centered right now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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