I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
