dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
