My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
