loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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