just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
