So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
