Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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