He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
50% drunk capacity currently
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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