bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
