my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
