Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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