We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
