I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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