maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
