i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
