i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
