Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We smell like vodka and hangover
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