hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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