R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
