why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
