Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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