am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
