the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
